Sexpigeon

Apr
6th
Sun
permalink
Here’s you, always laughing at your own jokes, always the loudest laugher in the room. Here’s you throwing up from laughing so hard, sopping up your barf with your shirt tails, chuckling over your puddle of barf. Here’s you winning the girl, here’s the girl being impressed by the quantity and quality of your barf, talking about how great your shirt looks covered in barf, how great your bod looks in a barf-covered shirt. This is your night. You got it.

Here’s you, always laughing at your own jokes, always the loudest laugher in the room. Here’s you throwing up from laughing so hard, sopping up your barf with your shirt tails, chuckling over your puddle of barf. Here’s you winning the girl, here’s the girl being impressed by the quantity and quality of your barf, talking about how great your shirt looks covered in barf, how great your bod looks in a barf-covered shirt. This is your night. You got it.

Apr
5th
Sat
permalink
You’re in Queens at 11:30 on a Saturday night and you’re like, “What exactly am I doing in Queens at 11:30 on a Saturday night.” And then Queens puts on its sportsbar lightshow and you’re like, oh yeah, people are real nutbars over here.

You’re in Queens at 11:30 on a Saturday night and you’re like, “What exactly am I doing in Queens at 11:30 on a Saturday night.” And then Queens puts on its sportsbar lightshow and you’re like, oh yeah, people are real nutbars over here.

permalink
It is your natural stance: you were built for urination, it is your purpose.

It is your natural stance: you were built for urination, it is your purpose.

permalink
"Your body is the playground," explains Dr. Playground.

"Your body is the playground," explains Dr. Playground.

permalink
The 4th Avenue line is a shabby one, but these road paint and dog tooth colors are really really nice together.

The 4th Avenue line is a shabby one, but these road paint and dog tooth colors are really really nice together.

permalink
There goes your hero. Your hero is the everyday American. You are perpetually wistful, your neck is sore.

There goes your hero. Your hero is the everyday American. You are perpetually wistful, your neck is sore.

permalink
Got terrible diner coffee this morning because that’s what I was in the mood for. Thin, weak, burnt. I knew what I wanted and I went for it. I self-actualized this morning.

Got terrible diner coffee this morning because that’s what I was in the mood for. Thin, weak, burnt. I knew what I wanted and I went for it. I self-actualized this morning.

permalink
Can’t fool me, Shaquille.

Can’t fool me, Shaquille.

Apr
4th
Fri
permalink
He says you are free, you are free, go be free, but freedom turns out to have fences and dogs.

He says you are free, you are free, go be free, but freedom turns out to have fences and dogs.

permalink
Crutches with cupholders. Billion dollar idea.

Crutches with cupholders. Billion dollar idea.

permalink
Ever imagine you’d be able to choke your enemies during your morning commute?

Ever imagine you’d be able to choke your enemies during your morning commute?

Apr
3rd
Thu
permalink
Softly, softly, your shoes are breathing.

Softly, softly, your shoes are breathing.

Apr
2nd
Wed
permalink
Says there’s a tightrope in about thirty feet, well okay.

Says there’s a tightrope in about thirty feet, well okay.

permalink
Pretend you don’t know each other. Go in the diner. Separate booths. Order omelets, place them over your face. Syrup to keep them from slipping. Total anonymity.

Pretend you don’t know each other. Go in the diner. Separate booths. Order omelets, place them over your face. Syrup to keep them from slipping. Total anonymity.

permalink
I got a good wife. She takes care of me.

I got a good wife. She takes care of me.