Take this day to lavender extremes. Be fragrant, mist yourself in husky aerosols. Life is a golf course bar, you’ve heard it said. Clean your body with the pink handsoap at a golf course bar, pump it into a paper towel, wet it and squeeze it until you’re holding a pile of suds. Sleep on a cot in the stockroom of a golf course bar. Blast yourself awake with Axe body spray. Right in the face, screaming. Pain is the only thing that stirs your slumbering corpus. Wear shades to hide your reddened, weeping eyes.